Getting older and starting to feel it!

So..... I will be turning 29 years old this September. To a lot of people that is not old at all. But to me it just sounds so old. When I was younger I never thought this day would ever come. I always wanted to hurry up and get older. Now that I'm "older", I don't want to do it anymore.

I used to shop in the juniors section at the store when shopping for cloths. I was looking around today and I can't stand any of the cloths that are in style now. So I went over to the woman's section and I wanted to start laughing right out loud. I knew one day I would graduate to the woman's department, just didn't think it would happen this fast.

Twenty Nine years old????? That is so very close to Thirty!!!! Where did the time go?

I have always felt older then I really was growing up. When I was 15, I acted like I was 25. Some people would call me a old soul. I never did what "normal" teenagers were doing. I was always home way before curfew., never tried drugs, alcohol or anything else that was illegal. Guess you could call me boring.

I had two classes my senior year of high school. After my classes I would go straight to work. I thought that was the best thing in the world at the time. If I could go back and change that I would have stay in school my senior year with all my friends. I missed out on a lot, that I will never be able to get back. If I didn't want to act older, then I could have enjoyed being the teenager I was.

You live and learn is what I have always heard people say. I believe in that 100%. Every year I will get old and hopefully wiser. I will sometimes feel young and other times I will feel really old. Either way, I'm only as old as I feel!

Thanks for ready!

Choices

One of the thing that is so stressful about being a grown up (there are so many to choose from) is making choices. You pretty much make choices everyday. Hoping and praying they are the right ones. Sometimes even wishing you would have made a different choice every now and then. Thats just something that goes along with making decisions.

Before I make decisions, I weigh a lot of options. How will my choice effect my family? What will change when I make the decision? How will other people respond to the choice that I made? There are so making things that come with making a "grown up" decision. You always want to do the right thing, but we sometimes don't really know what that is.

When it comes down to finally making up my mind, I follow what my heart tells me to do. I also pray really hard that its the right choice to make. Somethings I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong. Its a 50/50 chance I'll get it right. Ha Ha!

I really do hate making choices to a point I will almost wait until the last minute to do so. That is a really bad thing to do. But, that is something I will have to just work on. It looks like making choice will always be apart of life, no getting out of that one.

Thanks for reading!

Siblings

When I was thinking of having kids, I always thought I would have at least two babies. When I was pregnant I quickly changed my mind. I do not want to go through that ever again. I loved the outcome, but just didn't like being pregnant. So with that being said, Jeremy will be the only child here with us on Earth.

By making that decision, I feel like I'm taking away that sibling love that comes along with having a brother or sister. He will never have the moments where he acts like he can boss someone around because he is the oldest or when we aren't looking how sweet he would be to him/her.

Brothers and Sister don't always get along, but they will always be there for you no matter what. My brother and I hardly talk or see each other anymore, but if I really needed him he would be there. Same goes for my sister. I would do the same for both of them. We all know we love each other, even if it doesn't get said that often.

Eric and I both wish we were closer to our siblings. Eric has different reasons for not seeing his brother from what I understand. I'm sure they both know that each one cares for the other. Besides those reasons, I always tell him to talk to his brother. Its the only one he will ever have, after all.

I'm praying that Jeremy gets good/close friends when he grows up. I pray that one day he finds the woman he will end up marrying and have his own little family. So I know that he will be taken care and not be a lone.

For right now he can just play with his four legged, furry sisters. Mattie and Sandy!!

So no matter what happens everyone, make sure you always talk to your brothers and sisters. After all, They will be the only one's you will ever have! :o)

Thanks for reading everyone!

Hatfields and McCoys

Eric and I have been watching this mini series "The Hatfields and The McCoys". I have always heard about them for as long as I can remember. There are books, songs and even other movies about them. Some of the things they did to each other are just plain insane. I feel so bad for most of them. They got mad at each other over nothing at all. One of them could just look at he other the wrong way and they would be killed. Its just plain crazy and wrong. Not very many laws and rules back then either. Its pretty much fend for yourself way of life back then.

I'm so happy I never lived in the 1880's. I would not of been able to get along very well then. Luckily, I was born in the 1980's. A hundred years later. Call me spoiled, but I sure love the comfort of everything we have today, hot water, AC, Cars, TV and so much more.

If you have time, look up the show. Its a mini series with three parts. The History channel put it on. Each part is about two hours long. If you do end up watching it, please let me know what you think. I would love to hear other comments about the movie. 

Making Money

Most everyone that I know loves making money. Being a stay at home you don't get paid anything. Well that is not completely true, I do get paid in love from my baby boy. Which working moms get the same thing from there kids as well. Looking at it from that point of view they are getting double the income.

I do miss getting a paycheck, that's for sure. Its nice to go cash that check at the end of a hard week. It wouldn't be all that much, but it would pay the bills. Having two incomes sure was very nice. We knew we had money to save and some to just blow on something fun. With me being a stay at home mom this past year, we sure had to tighten the belt on a lot of things.

There has been many times this past year that I was thinking of going back to work. Every time I thought about it though, I knew it just wasn't the right time. I love that my baby is being looked after by the one person who cares about him the most. ME!!!

If I was working, I know we could pay off most all our bills pretty fast. Well maybe not that fast, seeing I would be paying a pretty big day care payment. The last time I checked, it was going to be around $800 a month to put Jeremy in day care. That is a joke. At least one of my checks per month would go straight to them. So its just not worth me working right now.

When Jeremy starts Pre-K I will go back to work and start making a paycheck again. Right now I will keep doing what I love the most, taking care of our son.

Who knows maybe we will win the lottery one day and not have to worry about making money anymore.

You just never know.......

Little Kelly

When I was little almost everyone in my family called me Little Kelly. They always told me I was so little and didn't ever seem to get bigger. I of course didn't mind what my family called me, it showed they loved me I guess. My mom and dad has always to this day called me 'Baby Girl'. I know they love me very much.



As I was growing up it I didn't have the worst childhood ever. I was a shy girl. Did not really speak up or tell anyone how I was feeling. Come to think of it, I still don't do that. I lived with my mom until I was about 7 years old. At that point, my brother and I moved in with my dad. He did a wonderful job giving us a great life, nice roof over our heads and food in our tummies.

I remember almost all the Christmas's at my dad's house.  But there was one that I will always remember. It opened a whole new world for me. When I woke up that Christmas morning, I got to open my very first desktop computer. Wow, did that change everything. From that point on, I loved computers. 

I always wanted to go to school to work with computers. But after high school, I just didn't have the money to go to college. My mom and dad tried to help out, they just didn't have the money. I applied for financial aid and got turned down because my parents make too much money. So I just didn't get to go. I really think they make it very hard to go to college.

After high school, I did some customer service jobs. I really enjoyed them most of the time and made good money doing it. I don't mind being on a computer all day and talking to annoying people on the phones. Sometimes its pretty entertaining listening to other people complain all day.

I have always felt that I haven't given life everything I have. I felt like I was taking the easy way around. I hated feeling that way, but didn't know what to do. There are other times, I kept telling myself that I'm doing the best I can and I am right where I need to be.

Right now in my life, I know I'm right where I need to be. Some people are meant for a college degree and I was not one of them.

I hope I made my family proud of they're "Little Kelly" and the woman she grew up to be.

A Mommy's day out? Whats that?

I hear other moms say they need a mommy's day out. It sounds like a wonderful thing to now and then to be able to go shopping or have a meal with friends without the little ones around. As wonderful as it sounds to have a few hours alone to be myself, I love spending time with Jeremy way to much and would miss him to much. I love taking him places with me.

Its not easy taking Jeremy anywhere though. You have to plan it around his naps and feeding times. Once he has his nap and eats lunch, I know I have a few hours to go to the store before he needs something else. It a lot easier now then it was when he was a infant, thats for sure. I'm sure it will only get better as he grows up.

Eric and I don't have family close by. So Jeremy can't just go hang out with them while we have a "date night". We have only had two nights to be husband and wife since Jeremy was born. It gets pretty hard to be a mommy all day and night while making room to be the wife I need to be. I have heard that you should put your marriage before your children. But I'm doing my best with what I am given.

When it comes down to it, I would rather have Jeremy with us no matter where we go. We are a little family and have to stick together. Eric and I know we love each other. So right now we are going to soak in every minute we can while Jeremy is still little.

Jeremy and his Best friend!

Jeremy just turned one year old and from the first day we came home with him he has had a best friend. Her name is Sandy and she is a Golden Retriever. We have a feeling she thinks he is her pup. She lets him crawl all over her, in which she will just lay there and take every bit of it. There are times that I have caught them hugging each other, it is the cutest thing in the world.

Our other dog Mattie is a Lab. She can take or leave Jeremy. We know she would never in a million years hurt him, but she just doesn't care to much for him. When Jeremy crawls near Mattie, Sandy will get in between them to make sure Mattie stays away. It is so funny to watch how smart she is and just how much she really loves Jeremy.

As long as a baby is not allergic to animals, I believe that every baby should grow up with one. From what I'm seeing happen between Jeremy and Sandy it would only be for the best. Of course some dogs shouldn't be around children but thats why you would want to research what dog is right for your family. It would bring so much love into your home.

Just like I did, Jeremy will grow up with dogs around. It teaches kids responsibility, love, affection and companionship and thats just a few that comes to mind. I can't wait to see the funny, sad and happy things that happen between Jeremy and his best friend for years to come.

One on earth and one in Heaven!

When Jeremy was about 6 months old I found out I was pregnant again. It was a shock because the doctors told me that I could not get pregnant naturally. They of course were very wrong. The fact that I was pregnant again had my feels all over the place. Eric and I surely were not ready for another baby, we just had a baby 6 months prier. I felt bad that I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted our baby that was made from love, and is a part of his/her mommy and daddy. I loved him/her the moment the nurse told me I was pregnant. But I didn't want to be pregnant again.

At about 10 weeks into the pregnancies something didn't feel right, so I went in to the doctors office right away. They did a ultrasound which showed the baby stopped growing at around 9 weeks. I tried to be strong. I just couldn't hold it back. I cried all the way to the parking lot.

I had a D&C the next morning. That was one of the saddest days Eric and I had to deal with. The next few days after I tried to act like everything was ok. Took care of my little boy like nothing ever happened. I didn't want to let him see the sadness that was in his mommy's heart. Jeremy makes me very happy, but this was a different kind of sadness. I felt guilty because I had said out sound that I didn't want to be pregnant. In my mind because I said that, that was the reason we lost our second baby.

It took awhile, but I'm now feeling a lot better and understand that it wasn't my fault that God needed our angel back in Heaven. In our hearts and minds we have two babies. One we can play with down here on Earth and the other is waiting for us in Heaven.

We love both our babies with all our hearts and even though the second baby was only in my tummy for 10 weeks, it was and still is a part of us.

Mommy, Daddy and your brother Jeremy love you very much. We will meet you one day!  

Being a stay at home mom.

I have worked since I was 15 years old. My first job was at a local movie theater near my house. I loved making my own money and the feeling of being responsible. I never thought that one day I would be working 24/7 at the hardest job in the world and love every second of it.

There have been a few people say, "you get to stay home all day, that must be wonderful". Don't mean to burst their bubble, but its not like I sit around watching TV all day. The days pretty much repeat themselves a lot. Wake up, make bottles, feed the baby breakfast, change diapers, try and get him to take a nap, clean kitchen, do laundry, pick up the toys and so on. I normally get to eat lunch while folding the cloths. The funny thing about it all is, I wouldn't change it one thing about it.

While I was pregnant, I went back and forth on if I wanted to be a stay at home mom. When Jeremy was born I knew it was the only thing I was meant to do. It has turned out to be the best thing I have ever done. Its not the easiest job ever, but it sure is the most rewarding.

Almost a year!

When I had Jeremy on May 20th 2011, he came by C-section. I got to see him for a few seconds before they rushed him away to another room. I had no idea what was happening at that point. Of course I was stuck on the table because I was still being put back together. My husband Eric followed the doctor to make sure our son was ok. It was about two hours later that I found out Jeremy had serious lung issues. They put him in the NICU and had him hooked up to breathing tubes and monitors. With in less then 24 hours of my little baby being born we were told that he needs to get to another hospital's NICU as soon as they can. He was transported by helicopter to a very good hospital in Austin. With me just having a C-section and hardly able to walk, I still wanted out to go see my son. I was discharged the next morning, they didn't want to keep mother and baby apart.

When I first walked into the NICU at the new hospital I was so sad. I looked at my son with all these wires and tubes going everywhere. Eric and I made sure to come see him everyday no matter what. He was the only thing that mattered to me anymore.

When Jeremy got to come home for the first time, he was a month old. I remember him being so small. His daddy and me were so scared because we no longer had the nurses helping us out anymore. It was just us taking care of our tiny baby boy.

Fast forward to the present moment,. Jeremy will be one years old this Sunday May 20th. Time has just flown by way to fast. I feel like I'm loosing my little baby boy and he is turning into my wonderful little big boy. He is getting smarter by the day. Being able to stay home with him as given me the chance to see all his "first" times. He is the best thing to happen to me and his daddy. I just can't believe he will be a year old already.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY BOY!!! We love you so much!