One on earth and one in Heaven!

When Jeremy was about 6 months old I found out I was pregnant again. It was a shock because the doctors told me that I could not get pregnant naturally. They of course were very wrong. The fact that I was pregnant again had my feels all over the place. Eric and I surely were not ready for another baby, we just had a baby 6 months prier. I felt bad that I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted our baby that was made from love, and is a part of his/her mommy and daddy. I loved him/her the moment the nurse told me I was pregnant. But I didn't want to be pregnant again.

At about 10 weeks into the pregnancies something didn't feel right, so I went in to the doctors office right away. They did a ultrasound which showed the baby stopped growing at around 9 weeks. I tried to be strong. I just couldn't hold it back. I cried all the way to the parking lot.

I had a D&C the next morning. That was one of the saddest days Eric and I had to deal with. The next few days after I tried to act like everything was ok. Took care of my little boy like nothing ever happened. I didn't want to let him see the sadness that was in his mommy's heart. Jeremy makes me very happy, but this was a different kind of sadness. I felt guilty because I had said out sound that I didn't want to be pregnant. In my mind because I said that, that was the reason we lost our second baby.

It took awhile, but I'm now feeling a lot better and understand that it wasn't my fault that God needed our angel back in Heaven. In our hearts and minds we have two babies. One we can play with down here on Earth and the other is waiting for us in Heaven.

We love both our babies with all our hearts and even though the second baby was only in my tummy for 10 weeks, it was and still is a part of us.

Mommy, Daddy and your brother Jeremy love you very much. We will meet you one day!